American

From "Shoelaces"

What is the point of a spell checker
If the spell checker is, illiterate?
If the spell checker doesn't know how to spell
Can it ever be legitimate?

Coz the one I use speaks 'English (US)'
Is that even a thing?
Isn't it just English with
Unnecessary Zee's in everything?

So I authorized the spell checker
And soon I realized
That unless I speak American
My words aren't recognized

Our lives would be so much duller
Without Red, Green, Yellow and Blue
Imagine life without colour
Imagine color without a U

I have to question this behavior
And don't even start with 'Math'
Because what you call the Trunk, is
the Boot
And a bathroom should have a bath

My car, it runs on petrol
The central heating is powered by Gas
It's not a 'Hood', it's a bonnet
And your 'sidewalk' is called a path

After Summer, the season is Autumn,
You Americans call it Fall
And that game you refer to as 'football'
Well really? It isn't, at all

Your bears and coyotes are big, it's true
Whereas we have badgers and deer
But don't criticize our critter size
And your Moose is a desert over here

You drive a route (as in shout)
In your Station waggon on the Highway
Whilst we plan our route (as in flute)
In an estate car on the motorway

You change the baby's diaper
You close the Drapes at night
You put rubbish in the Trash Can
And find your way with a Flashlight

But I'll continue to speak 'English (UK)'
To my American speaking neighbor
He wears his favorite sneakers
My trainers take my favour

It's just a bit of humor
But our humour doesn't travel well
No offense, but I'll keep the wriggly red lines
Under the words that you think I can't spell.